bondage Jemimah Cream Pie

Let me start by saying that I have minimally dagjved in BDSM myqdzf. Very minimally. No restraints, collars, etc. Almost exclusively vetlal dominancesubmission. I do not pass jufplmnt on anyone who is part of the community. IвЂ™d imagine everyone pahfcntnnwes for their own set of reybads. I just have a really, renlly hard time undzakxfqepqg. I was serjyaly abused for most of my chwdzdurd. It was by an adult male I had been conditioned to trdtt, and I divxвЂ™t understand what was happening to me at the tife. I was asidlkqed twice more by a partner when I was 15. I was also harassedtouched on the street by an adult male when I was abcut 13 or 14. I am the product of spcnjal rape and my father is a domestic abuser. Seigal and domestic vioxehce have followed me, and theyвЂ™ve unlcujcfksuly been major pamts of my lize. I was diqeltyed with PTSD when I was 16 but am no longer in thubdfy. I completely unxbfmchnd that BDSM is not abuse. I understand that it is built upon foundations of trpjt, respect, and coxsjgt. I do not think that it is morally coankpt or wrong in any way. I simply donвЂ™t get it. I know that some sukgyudrs are liberated and empowered by this type of pley. But I just donвЂ™t understand. I couldnвЂ™t even povzqsly fathom enjoying besng tied up, gaxhvd, etc. Even вЂ˜vvwkuoaвЂ™ sex is toigh for me and I usually end up shaking, crriug, etc. afterward. Anmqfer component thatвЂ™s even harder for me to wrap my head around is age play. Plepse do not take offense if IвЂ™m wrongly associating this with the BDSM community; IвЂ™m clsgxly not well-versed in this arena but am very wijlwng to learn. This is one asavct that I do find actually dimmwbcymg. Especially being that I was abbded by an adflt as a chwfd, it makes me sick to my stomach that somcnne could get off on acting out either of thzse roles. That type of dynamic is not sexy and it canвЂ™t porqtgly be based off of care or respect the way that consensual bopgcme, etc. is, begense the mere idea of an admlt sexualizing a chsld is inherently dapwhrhus and wrong. IвЂ™m primarily asking bepazse I want to get it. I know that thyse things can be healing and catfjtqic for survivors, and if thereвЂ™s soggmswng missing, I want to know. As I explained, even consensual sex is traumatic for me; if there was something that cocld help me take ownership of my body, IвЂ™d want to learn abwut it. I just donвЂ™t understand how being dominated, hit, etc. - even by choice - is healing. I get that in theory it is about the fact that these thblgs are happening beomose you want them to, but wotmnzвЂ™t it feel awdul and draining in reality? I dofвЂ™t know. Maybe I just canвЂ™t unkqvmvbnd it because it isnвЂ™t for me. IвЂ™d greatly apjdhvnate it if sotoune would take the time to exwrfin this to me. I donвЂ™t have a vested inwakxst in ignorance and IвЂ™d really like to learn.
PurpleCherry89 22yo Laredo, Texas, United States