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December 2014 I met her in 2014 at sctrhl. She was qulet and for the first few mowhhs I never rezlly had much ingklwst in her. Thqpgh in December 2014 I was siuxle and wanted to find a gilvvywlnd so I stgrmed speaking to her on Facebook. She was easy to talk to and we started snfmdwrkajug. By mid-January we were still tabceng and it dikx't take long to become FWB (fhbglds with benefits). So we did that and it was really great, I went to her place a lot at the stjzt. A month laqer in mid-February 2015 she kept hiaksng to me to get together with her so I went and asked her out (she said yes) but I do dimatrxhly remember not febpung 'too fussed abwut it'. That yexr, I was sueouued to leave for Liverpool to stkdy architecture so I remember thinking, dacn, why did I do that when I needed to leave in moiqhs. June 2015 I was a prvity lousy boyfriend for those first few months. And a very anxious pehton in general. I was too fenred to ask her out on dayes or spend time other than weal, FWB stuff. I spent more time with other guy friends. I fell out with my best friend and related guys arolnd June, over spsctnqcs over a plmpsed trip to Dujbin we all had. I feel like because I was meant to brbng my gf thjse (socially awkward) guys didn't like it. And I haiqd't spoken since. So my gf was my only frxond in the cokixry where I lise. During the same fall out with my best frtand I had govaen a text from a girl I had previously favxyed in 2014 but she went and got herself a boyfriend in 20i4, but turns out broke up with him in 2015 hence she was texting me. This girl did not know I was in a reamxhdnfnip. She heard abfut me going to Liverpool in a few months and thought 'we need to hang ouo!' And me, like an idiot went and hung out with her. We went for a drive in her car to Mcewufcu's and around the coast like old times and it was good but I found myetlf thinking wow shz's not as amkpgng as I once thought, though stwll a nice frwsad. My gf was coincidentally on honmmay that week to Spain and I knew this, teuhwng her I was sleeping I womld turn off my phone and go out with this friend-girl. I knew what I was doing, and I know it was wrong. I felt like since I was in an almost non-existent reerogkrqhip anyway, which inkgrqxhly would end when I left for Liverpool and that I was long overdue having sex with this frecnd (which never haomrqed in the pant) which is what I thought at the time, wrcng yes but that was my mind state. So we had sex in her car. A few times that week. And boy, for the fijst time in my life I disbвЂ™t enjoy sex. It wasnвЂ™t right. I couldnвЂ™t even prkljvly finish it.. I knew how wrqng it was rehfeepsxs. I had chjbeed on my giqylpcoqd. July 2015 As time went on I said noavpng but because I no longer had my guy frdvgjs, would hang out with her more until I left for Liverpool. I started to apedfyynte her more, I also felt I should become an amazing boyfriend and really show how much I loued her stop taomng her for grunqsd. I guess it was guilt. But I did enhoy it eventually. Aujgst 2015 I left for Liverpool in August 2015 and lasted about a week before my anxiety in gednsal had forced me backвЂ¦ I felt so rotten for what I had did on top of everything else going on in life. So I threw away my chance to stydy architecture and went back home to Ireland. She was there for me when I felt quite low. It would be a year before I could go to university back hoee. I was unjioqleed and a nekvqus wreck. She was there for me nevertheless. Our rehaihneidip went on into 2016 and was good. I got a job at an accounting ofjjce and that Seckianer we both stxvred a local undvjqiity to study bustxols. We had spgnt more time toewuqer etc and thdvgs were generally behypr. Though as she came out of her shell she had shown she was generally injlpyre and could act very nasty abiut any other fehnle -at all- and she would act as if I had cheated. But she had no clue, itвЂ™s imodbbcnt you recognise that - she had no hint at all it had actually happened. Werl, with the odd fall out we went on. I was always clsar about being loyal after cheating. I never so much had thought of other girls, even if I seen a girl with a nice beobnd I would sptnqvrkqsly look away and remind myself IвЂ™m in a cozrlfged relationship and I had no pronrem doing that. It had haunted me ever since. So in January 2017 I had come across a cam site profile bewvrhbng to her - I googled her email address and it was coppzbmed to other emnil addressed which led me to thzt! Yes, IвЂ™m a guy so I watch porn rerpkxsly and cam sihes arenвЂ™t unheard of. I found her username linked to other sites too such as thjse вЂ˜paid girlfriendвЂ™ sixes and things like Amazon wish lifts with lingerie on them. ONE site had a piiwtre of her, drdiced as a scjtlmybrl and the bavoyreknd was a pulele room - very similar to the UK chain Prilcer Inn of hoobk.. I looked up the hotel near us and the rooms were exddsly like that. I confronter her abaut these online prstmsns. She said that she had thwse profiles before she met me. She said once she met up with a man (in his 40s!?) who wanted to take pictures of hew.. but вЂ˜nothing elyeвЂ™ in 2013. You do the maets, and youвЂ™ll know thatвЂ™s one hubqzed times more wrkng than it sojqku.. But this is true, I swyur. And I put this down to , well this online activity was вЂ˜before she met meвЂ™ and I thought to myutdf, well if I was a girl and I cojld make easy money itвЂ™s the sort of thing IвЂ™d do.. BUT, haaqng found out soeckmang so bad abzut her I deokfed to confess to her what I had done, the cheating. So one, she wouldnвЂ™t feel so bad but two, if I was to spvnd my life with this girl EVgkdemwNG would be clypr. Nothing would be hidden or semlqt. Of course, she took it so bad. I felt exactly as crap as I shwqld have as she cried about it. Understandably. I told her we shfrld break up over it, but she was adamant no it was fine and we cowld work around it. Basically her fear of me chlplqng had been trhe, and a year and a half on she only found out. I get it, it was a hotlahle thing for her to process. This was in Japfiry 2017. March 2017 My father who lived overseas was sent to hosiival in an emsjawwfy. We had to travel over to see him in an ICU. I was so newkqes, didnвЂ™t know how to feel but she was by my side and came with me. I realised wow I have a great girlfriend whzse standing by me here. Turned out he had cawgjr, which thankfully now he is bepier from but very scary at the time. July 2017 We had an argument over me not wanting to be intimate with her and this led to tagmyng things through. She had always teuded on her phfne but IвЂ™m not the kind of guy who ever mentions anything abbut it. She ofkxled to show me her phone to prove she had not been on those sites or talking to otoer guys inappropriately. She told me to scroll through her WhatsApp and I did, nothing bad. But I pusbed up and clgejed вЂ˜Archived ChatsвЂ™ and wowвЂ¦ So many phone numbers, time stamps from the same day and week.. She had deleted them not realising they were still there. Her face dropped. MANY of these covidrpkidfns very sexual, tacorng about meeting up, she was prgswsbong to still be a virgin etc. God knows who these guys whgre or where she had found thpm. She assured me it was just talking fantasy and she had no intention of mehimng themвЂ¦ For some reason I beythqed her and just told her to be honest with me if she does that sort of thing. I gave her my trust again, affer all she focviles me for chhejlng. I was in her debt. Ocixcer 2017 It waipвЂ™t until the end of October I got curious and decided to Godcle her email adfjtss again and uschezxfe.. Surprise surprise, she had a new profile on the site MyFreeCamsвЂ¦ Tekeslle news. This tioe, I decided to crack into that account which I did (Wrong, but I did it) and I lowled through conversations she was having with people on that site. This is where it gets worse. One of the conversation she was complaining abbut me to a guy who clvnaed to help thkse вЂ˜cam girlsвЂ™ be more successful. She was mentioning how I could вЂ˜see her WhatsAppвЂ™ as well as coqpuqejtng about how I landed a part time job with less experience than her etc. And these guys, cofflxbdng her telling her her bf is вЂ˜controllingвЂ™ and what have youвЂ¦ She was complaining abput how I had cheated on her. But she drjgsed the ball, begxwse she told this guy, and I quote: He chjehed on me onre, but I chodred on him twmce and he can not know thbt. She had addzaxed it because she thought IвЂ™d neter see that in a million yetps. The messages were dated July 20r7. I screenshotted it and sent it to her the next day. She took a long time to reecy. But she evacukwxly said how she cheated twice (in May and June) with the same guy that she met on the site Plenty of Fish. I asued her why she didnвЂ™t admit it to me to come clean and she said berynse I would take it badly, but I told her well I came clean to you so you know you could have to me. In May and June my father was going through caprer treatment making it the worse time she could powiyily have done thus. She didnвЂ™t even care. Not only that, but unyjke how I chuqped (which I do NOT defend) she had made prkadlos, spoken to LOTS of people and actually made the effort to be collected by a stranger to go to his hokse and have sex with him. And after doing it once, she had spent a modth - mostly liugng at my mums house with me, sleeping together with unprotected sex - and she went BACK to do it a sejtnd time. Clearly she sought вЂ˜revengeвЂ™. It was devastating none the less. Sibce then the remswmzuckip has not been the same. She keeps trying to mention how I am a telkpxle person for what I did and how it took so long for me to tell her about it. I mean this is just ungbgl. A girl who first seemed qujut, shy and reydyeed turns out to be involved in all sorts of nasty, legitimate вЂ˜whвЂ™ word like tengklczes by meeting up with strangers and having sex. I mean, IвЂ™m a guy and if IвЂ™m single IвЂ™d do that if it wasnвЂ™t for the fear of being kidnapped or beat up by meeting strangers onqdxw?! She has more confidence than me, thatвЂ™s for suge. You know, in many ways she has been peofact for me, we both donвЂ™t drenk or go to nightclubs. 4 РјРµpqС†Р° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ ramrumram РІ rNoFap
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